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Sometimes friendships can have problems and it can be hard to know what to do. Sometimes small fights can turn into large ones and you may have to work hard to sort things out. Dealing with or overcoming a fight together can make your friendship stronger.
'fight or flight' response
You can foster these feelings by:. It can help to create space or time for children to do things without their siblings. Here are some examples of clear and specific praise and encouragement :.
Your children will notice if you work out differences without fighting. If you want your children to work things out calmly and respectfully, they need to see you doing this. If you want them to be able to say sorry to others, they need to see you apologising too. You teach them how to handle disagreements and guide them towards skills for managing angry feelings, negotiating and playing fair.
How to fight fair
It can help to think ahead about how to handle fights in tricky situations. Turning around to talk to children or separate them takes your attention off the road. With your help, children can learn to work out disagreements by themselves, without fighting. This can help your children get along better and deal positively with conflicts with other children.
Sometimes disagreements about a screen or a favourite toy seem to turn into name-calling and arguing straight away. If this sounds like your situation, you might want to start the reminders and coaching as soon as the screen is turned on or the toy comes out.
2. set clear family rules
You can foster these feelings by: spending special time with each child regularly giving plenty of hugs and smiles to everyone trying not to compare children with each other. Here are some tips for making rules work : Involve children in setting up rules. Put a copy of your house rules on the fridge or somewhere everyone can see them.
Follow through every time children bend or break the rules.
Then give another chance. If children still break the rules, use an agreed consequence. A sample routine might look like this: Television: Samantha chooses the program from 6.
Jake chooses from 7. Games: Jake chooses on Saturdays, Samantha chooses on Sundays. Bathroom: Jake uses the bathroom first in the morning, then Samantha. Chores: Samantha and Jake take it in turns to do the chores — garbage duty one week, drying the dishes the next week. How about we celebrate with a movie tonight? Here are some tips for coaching your children in problem-solving : Give your children opportunities to play with others. Playgroups, playdates and games help children learn to play well together and practise positive alternatives to fighting.
Reasons friends fight
Step in with ideas as soon as you see that children are finding it hard to work things out. With older children, working out a blame-free solution afterwards will make the fight less likely to happen again. For example, water play, painting and playdough help younger children express feelings. Older children might find that kicking a ball or playing music helps.
Cool down fighting hot spots It can help to think ahead about how to handle fights in tricky situations. Here are some ideas to help you plan for common fighting hot spots. At home Make sure there are enough toys for everyone, so children can play together without always having to take turns. Have children play close to you so you can step in quickly if disagreements turn into fights — especially for children under five years.
Distract children or change the environment if you sense a fight coming. For example, suggest a new game, in yourself for a while, take the children outside to play, or read a book with on either side of you. If you need to make a phone call, set children up with an activity or two separate activities that will keep them interested.
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At the supermarket Create a special rule. Ask children to hold onto opposite sides of the shopping trolley. Or send them to opposite ends of the aisle to choose grocery items. Give each of your children a job.
1. look after each child’s needs
For example, one could hold the list and read each item, and the other could get the items off the shelf. If supermarket fights are very bad, see whether you can leave one of the children with a friend or family member while you shop. Out and about Distract children if you sense a fight coming.
On public transport, park yourself or a pram between children. Or put a grown-up or older child between the children most likely to fight. If your oldest child is old enough, put them in the front seat. Let children work it out sometimes With your help, children can learn to work out disagreements by themselves, without fighting.
Talking, debating and even arguing are all s that children are trying to work things out.
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Give some tips. A few well-placed suggestions might be all children need. Whose turn was it last?